Make This Go On Forever
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: An alternate take on what might have happened after Kate found out about what Castle had been keeping from her. A much more confrontational and direct conversation takes place that addresses more of their raw feelings. Summary kind of sucks. Please just give it a chance! Caskett one-shot.


**_Title: Make This Go On Forever (A Caskett one-shot)_**

**_Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!_**

**_Spoilers: Through the end of Season 4._**

**_Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)_**

**_A/N: So this an alternate take on might have happened after Kate found out about what Castle had been keeping from her. It's much more dramatic, and confrontational. I honestly wrote this forever ago, so the reappearance of 3xK in this one shot it purely coincidence. Hopefully, you'll like this one shot. If not, then that's fine too. I just figured I would post since It was just using up space on my hard drive anyways. I felt like I should share it with you all._**

* * *

"So," Castle sighed dejectedly as he ran his fingers over the metal strip at the top of the windowpane of the cruiser. His elbow was propped haphazardly on the ledge below. With his other hand he reached up to his neck to loosen the tie from around his next. A bead of sweat slowly trickled down his forehead as a result of the stifling heat inside the cruiser. "Are you just going to ignore me for the rest of your life?" Castle said, sparing her a glance. The tightness in her shoulders, along with the way she was gripping the steering wheel told him all he needed to know. She was pissed, stubborn, and there was no way she was going to give up easily. Castle silently cursed his luck. He couldn't even say that he was surprised. He knew that she would find out about everything eventually. He also knew that he might pay the ultimate price for it, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Protecting Kate was more important to him than anything. He loved her enough to understand that some things were worth the sacrifice. He'd rather have her alive, and refusing to talk to him, than six feet under. He didn't care if he had to be the bad guy to do it. Castle closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Like the heat that made it hard to breathe, he could feel Kate's sweltering anger, bubbling up between them. He could see her contempt in the way her jaw clenched and unclenched as she struggled to keep it all under control.

Finally, he turned his head and looked back out the passenger side window. Okay. So she was ignoring him. He could deal with that. He'd just talk to himself then.

"Why does it have to be so fricken hot in here?" Castle whined as they got stuck in midday traffic. Kate surprised him by answering. Although, her voice left no doubt in his mind that she was still bitter.

"Because _some_ people, namely the NYPD, don't have money to throw around whenever they please," Kate bit out coldly. "And fixing my air conditioner is not _exactly_ on the top of their priority list." Castle looked away as he saw Kate's jaw tighten again. He could see that she was angry with herself for even remarking on the matter. She was trying to restrain her own anger, but was failing miserably. Despite knowing what he was getting into, Castle never expected that she would be so angry with him. But here they were, further apart than he could ever remember. It was as if a chasm had opened up between them. The tension between them was even worse than when Kate refused to speak with Castle because he had looked into her mother's murder against Kate's own wishes. It was ironic really. Kate had been furious with him for defying her clear orders to stay away from her mother's murder, and now she was furious with him for withholding information about that very same case. Forget that Castle was doing it for all the right reasons. He knew that Kate wouldn't see it that way.

Castle let out a ragged breath; wiping some more sweat from his face. He'd probably ruined his dress shirt and undershirt by now. He willed the traffic that was blocking their progress to move and disappear. He would give anything to just get the next couple hours over with. It used to be that he couldn't wait for moments like this, now he would give anything to be somewhere else. Kate clearly didn't want him there and he was tempted to just get out of the car and leave her to take care of things herself, but he knew he'd never be able to do it. Whether she hated him or not, he was bound by his own love for her. Besides, there was a fresh body, and thus, a new homicide to look into. He welcomed the distraction. He was desperate for something…anything to ease the extreme tension growing between them. Castle winced inwardly when he heard the defeated sounding sigh next to him.

"Kate," Castle sighed, his voice full of exasperation. "Look, I said I was sorry." His hands clenched into fists as Kate scoffed, clearly denying his apology.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" Kate asked.

"Yes," Castle said angrily. "Because I'm telling you the truth."

"No you're not." Kate shot back.

"You know what?" Castle threw up his hands, "Fine. You're right. I'm not sorry. Not even a little bit." He swallowed. "The fact is, I didn't tell you about it because I wanted to protect you. You're my partner, and it is my duty to make sure that you…"

"You are _not_ my partner," Kate hissed, "My _partner_ wouldn't go behind my back the way you did. _My partner_ sure as hell wouldn't have withheld secrets from me or lied to me for what I can only assume are his own selfish reasons. The fact is, I thought I could _trust_ you, Castle. I _thought_ you were on _my_ _side_. I _thought_ you were my friend, but I guess that was my mistake. No. As far as I'm concerned, you and I? We're nothing! Just like we always have been. God, sometimes I really just wish you would get out of my life and stay away from me."

"So that's it? All those times I've stood by you and you're just going throw it all away because you're angry with me?" Castle scoffed.

"When are you going to get it, Castle?" Kate let out a deep breath. "This whole thing was a _mistake_. You shouldn't have even come back in the first place." Castle's chest suddenly felt like it had been ripped open. "You _promised_ me that _we_ were going to figure it all out together, and I _believed_ you. I thought you were going to make everything okay. But instead you pulled me further away from the answers I need than ever before! So yeah. I want you to leave. And this time? Don't bother coming back. I won't be missing you…." He felt like she'd cut him open, reached inside and pulled out his heart, and then tossed it on the floor and stomped on it. Castle swallowed thickly, afraid he was going to choke on his own saliva. He reached up to his forehead and started to knead at his throbbing temples. This was a hurt unlike anything he'd ever felt before. And that was saying a lot, because he _thought_ that he was prepared for this moment. As it turned out, nothing could have ever made him ready for the cold, harsh words tumbling out of Kate's mouth, nothing ever would. Castle kept his eyes squeezed shut for a moment, just letting the words wash over him again and again.

'This is it,' he thought finally. 'This is the end. This is where I walk away. I…I give up.' He let out a sigh, determined not to get overly emotional in front of her. No. He didn't need to embarrass himself like that. He'd already had enough taken away from him. Kate had taken enough. She didn't need to take his pride too. Castle's eyes snapped open.

"Wow," Castle breathed out quietly before reaching down to unbuckle his seatbelt. His voice was eerily quiet and composed. "I can't even say I'm surprised at how you're handling this, detective, because you are just so..." Castle stopped himself short. "You know what? Forget it," Castle suddenly sounded cold and distant in his own right. "You want me gone? Then fine. Consider me gone…permanently."

"Good," Kate choked out bitterly, acting more like an immature child than that of an adult her age. She knew she was being unfair, but despite that fact, she was deeply hurt and she wanted Castle to feel the same way. She wanted to make him feel exactly what she was feeling. Her heart felt like it was imploding in her chest, and to Kate, it seemed more painful than the gunshot that nearly killed her. It was funny, really. After all this time, Kate was finally getting what she wanted, and she felt scared out of her mind. She was scared because she no longer knew how to be herself without Castle. She silently resented him for making her so dependent. The old Kate Beckett, the one before Rick Castle, never needed anyone. She was completely driven and independent. She lived her own life without apology.

"Good," Castle repeated just as bitterly, not caring that it sounded almost like a taunt. "It's over. We're finally over." Kate could only stare at him. She was incredibly stunned by his words as Castle opened the passenger door. "Have a nice life, detective," he said with even more mockery in his voice as he slammed it shut.

"Castle, wait!" Kate reached out for where his hand had been resting on the window frame only moments before, but wasn't fast enough. Castle stole one last look into her shimmering green eyes and shook his head in disgust. She couldn't win him back that easily. Not this time.

"I think you've got this one on your own," Castle swallowed, looking at her. The way his eyes were steeled against her in the sunlight had her heart breaking. "Good luck with the case, detective." Castle shook his head one final time and turned away. He started walking away from her…started walking out of her life. Panic rose up, transcending everything else in Kate's mind. Before she could stop herself, Kate was shifting the cruiser into park, turning off the car, pulling the keys out of the ignition before ultimately throwing the door open. She opened her door and clambered out of the driver's side. Castle had already reached the sidewalk on the other side of the street. Kate took one look around her. She would have taken off after him, but as it figured, traffic started moving and the people behind her started laying on their horns. Kate slammed her fist down on the top of her cruiser in agonized frustration. She forced herself to get back in. She'd promised Ryan and Esposito that they would meet them there.

* * *

Weeks past with no word from him, and Kate did her best not to think about Richard Castle. And yet, it seemed that she thought about him more than ever before. It's funny how it works when you're trying to forget someone. It seems like the more you try to forget, the more you remember. Kate was no different. She found herself falling into that very same trap. Castle was everywhere and in everything. The ghost of him seemed to linger in the seat beside her desk, in the passenger seat of her cruiser. A part of him seemed to be stuck in the back of her mind. Like an echo, Kate could hear him making inappropriate puns related to the cases she worked. His voice resounded in her head like he was right next to her. But most of all, he was in the coffee she drank in the morning.

She knew it sounded ridiculous, but coffee had always been their thing. It was a symbol of something more. It was a gesture of comfort, the one true constant of their relationship. The coffee was a way for them to show their affection for one another, since they could never seem to get it right through words. And now? As Kate stared down at the cup and tasted the delicate lingering bitterness of her latte on her tongue, she felt empty. Kate slowly lifted the cup to her lips to take another sip, but she was seemingly unable to swallow it. She had to force it down, with a strenuous gulp. It tasted wrong to her. They all tasted wrong to her. She'd been experimenting, trying to get it just the way she liked. Maybe she'd gotten the combination wrong. Again. She really couldn't remember if Castle got it with less syrup, or skim milk, or both. All she knew is that it didn't taste right. It just wasn't the same as when Castle brought it for her.

She'd always taken advantage of the fact that Castle seemed to know more about her than she knew herself. Now she was left to face the void that was left in his place.

With an exasperated groan, Kate shook her head, dropping the cup back into its holder. She felt on the verge of getting sick, and the taste left in her mouth only seemed to make it worse.

Kate let out a sigh as she hunched over in the driver's seat, staring at her reflection in the rearview mirror. Her eyes seemed hollow to her, empty, and as she searched for any trace of the happy almost carefree woman she was only months ago, she found no trace of her. Kate's breath hitched in her throat as she caught the reflection of something else in the mirror. Her eyes darted back to the mirror and she couldn't seem to look away from the deep blue Kevlar vest Castle had unwittingly left in the back of her cruiser weeks ago. Kate swallowed, raking a hand over her face. God, she was so tired. She hadn't slept in days.

She kept having the same nightmare. The same excruciating, gut-wrenching dream that always ended with the same event. Castle was always leaving her, whether it was under his own will, or whether he was taken from her. Kate took another quavering breath as another slew of traumatizing images flickered through her mind. The more she thought about it, the more she seemed to think it was a good thing he was away. At least if he wasn't around, the vivid, horrifying nightmare she kept having couldn't possibly be real. They couldn't come true. Kate let out a groan, squeezing her eyes shut. She could hear her own voice, her own words as she pleaded with him to hang on. She felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She had to tell herself again and again that it wasn't _real_.It was only a dream. The thing is that it _felt_ so _real_. She'd never felt so miserable, and yet she felt that she deserved every minute of it.

Kate finally took a look at herself in the mirror, and worked on steeling her expression against the things she currently felt. When she was satisfied that she was herself again, or as close to the old Kate Beckett as she was ever going to be, she climbed out of her cruiser, slipped under the police tape and headed for the small crowd of CSI located near the entrance to the alley. Ryan and Esposito were huddled together as usual, going over various scenarios as Lanie examined the body.

"Hey," Kate tried to force a smile, even though she wasn't feeling it. "So what have we got here?" She asked as she knelt down next to the body. She pulled a pair of latex gloves from her pocket and pulled them on.

"Sofia Halstead," Lanie held the woman's only form of identification, her driver's license. Kate took a glimpse at the body and let out a sad sigh when she realized the girl splayed out before her couldn't be more than seventeen. Slowly she took the proffered ID from her friend and glanced at it. Another pang let her chest squeezing painfully when she saw the birthdate on the license. Sixteen years old. The woman lying on the concrete in front of them was somebody's baby, and Kate wasn't sure if she had enough strength left inside of her to work a case like this.

"I swear," Kate breathed quietly, "It seems like they keep getting younger and younger. I mean, God, she's only sixteen."

"You alright?" Ryan asked worriedly.

"Yeah," Kate sighed, trying to hold herself together, "It's just that I… I'll never get used to it."

"It gets worse," Lanie sighed, meeting Kate's eyes. "I found significant ante mortem bruising and trauma to her thighs. That, along with the lack of clothing on the body, gives me reason to believe that she was sexually assaulted before her death. Perhaps even repeatedly…"

"You tell CSI that?" Kate's brow furrowed.

"Yeah," Lanie nodded. "And I had Esposito put a call into Captain Gates."

"What did she say?" Kate asked as she looked to her partner.

"She wants us to hand over the case to SVU," Esposito replied with a shrug. "So I put in another call to the 16th precinct. Special victims should be over here soon."

"They going to take the case then?" Kate swallowed, wondering why she was even there if they were going to have to give the case away anyways. "And if so, why am I even here?"

"Because," Lanie answered quietly as she continued to take samples from the body. "No matter what happens from here on out, I thought it would be important that you see this." Ever so gently, Lanie pulled the tall collar down from the woman's neck. The ligature marks around the girl's neck looked oddly familiar.

"Ligature marks," Kate stated simply as she struggled to take it all in. "Tell me that's not what I think it is," Kate pleaded softly.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Lanie sighed. "Unfortunately, I will not be able to verify anything until I can get her back to the lab and test the fibers, but… It looks like Jerry's handiwork. I'd let the FBI know that Tyson is back in NYC if I were you." Kate gulped, her throat feeling suddenly constricted as she remembered the serial killer. She felt extremely unsettled.

"So…he's escalated to raping women before he kills them?" Kate asked, the words sounding much differently than she intended. Kate was suddenly left choking back bile as she thought about it.

There were no words for the hatred that she felt for Jerry Tyson. The man was sick…very sick. And he'd definitely left his own lasting impression on the unit. He'd played all of them, and they'd nearly paid the ultimate price for it.

Jerry had humiliated Kevin Ryan, her colleague and trusted friend. He'd caught the detective completely unaware, effectively knocking him out cold. And then, he'd taken Ryan's badge and gun, an event that she knew Ryan still felt guilty about. Castle had figured out who Jerry really was, of course, but had done so a moment too late. Kevin hadn't even had any time to react. Kate still shuddered at the notion that Castle had been left alone with the man, tied to a chair in the middle of the room. Castle had never really talked to her about what exactly happened to him in that room, but she knew that Jerry had played some serious mind games with the writer. After all, she'd seen the haunted look in Castle's eyes when it was all over.

It wasn't a secret that Jerry had had the opportunity to put a bullet in Castle's skull. The only reason Castle was still alive at this point was that he'd gotten lucky. Jerry, for whatever reason, had decided not to kill him, and Kate, to this day, still did not understand why. She was just grateful that Castle was still around. Kate closed her eyes, imagining the sinking feeling in her stomach, the almost paralyzing fear that took over her as she sprinted up those stairs at the run down motel. For a minute, as she'd raced up those stairs, she'd had to contemplate losing him permanently. She remembered the feeling she'd had, the way that the bottom had fallen out from her stomach as she'd tried Castle and Ryan's phones over and over again to no avail. At one point she had honestly thought they were dead.

Thinking about it now, after everything that's happened, it seems to be putting things back into perspective. Kate let out a sigh as she looked down at her phone and silently resolved not to let something like that happen again. Sure, she was angry with Castle for keeping secrets about her mom's murder case, but if she was being completely honest, she had been and was still keeping secrets of her own. How could she be so angry with him when she had done the same thing? And how on earth could she let him out of her life now? Now that she knew how he really felt about her, and knew that she felt the exact same way. Kate just couldn't help but feel as if maybe…just maybe she'd been a too hard on him. And now, she might lose him for it.

"Hey, Kate! Earth to Kate," Esposito's voice forced her out of her own thoughts. She blinked to find his hand waving back and forth in front of her face. "You with us over there?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded and choked out, her eyes darting around as she was brought back to the present. "Sorry," she apologized softly, "What is it you were saying?"

"SVU is here," Esposito repeated as he nodded his head to indicate a new presence behind her. Slowly Kate turned around to see a male and a female clamber out of another unmarked police vehicle. She introduced herself, gave them a little background on the case, told them what they suspected, and then let them take over. Though they all agreed to work this particular case together. Kate knew that she could count on the other detectives to give it their all. After all, she knew how hard they'd worked to build up a reputation that they and the NYPD could be proud of. Sex cases were easily some of the hardest and the most traumatizing. In Kate's career as a detective she'd only worked a couple of them. But they were the kind of cases that stuck with her. And no matter how hard she tried to forget the faces of the women and the heinous acts that were committed against them, she knew she never would. Kate watched them move around the crime scene. They seemed to take it all in stride, and she wondered how on earth they did it day after day.

"They seem to have a good handle on this," Ryan spoke as he reached out to give her shoulder a squeeze. Kate nodded, lost in her own thoughts. "Esposito and I are going to head back to the precinct. We want to notify the family."

"Yeah," Kate choked out, "That's a good idea. I'll be there shortly. I'm just going to stick around for a couple of more minutes," she explained. "I want to make sure that SVU and CSI have everything they need. Lanie too…"

"Kay," Ryan replied as he retracted his hand. Though she refused to talk about it, both he and Esposito could tell that Kate was in a vast amount of pain. A pain that she seemed determined to bear alone. "We'll see you back at the precinct then?"

"Yeah," Kate muttered, turning slightly to catch his eyes and give him a small smile. "Thanks, Ryan." Ryan returned the smile and gave her a slight nod before retreating to the cruiser. She could feel Esposito's eyes on her as they both ducked into the cruiser and started the engine. She shook her head, turning in time to see it speed away.

The next few minutes she spent in silence, just watching all of the techs work the crime scene. All the while, in the back of her mind, she silently wondered if Castle was in danger. The fact that their serial killer had cropped up again made her nervous. After all, she was fairly certain that Jerry Tyson hadn't really forgotten about their homicide unit either. And it forever had been a well-known fact in law enforcement that you only have so many second chances before your luck ultimately runs out. Kate doubted that if Tyson came after them again, that he would be as merciful this time around.

Kate headed back to the station, anxiously awaiting Lanie's autopsy and forensic reports. In the morgue, Kate paced back and forth. Her mind was working overtime. The two detectives from the sex crimes unit, Weiss and Holmes, and her boys were right there with her, feeling the same uneasiness. Every five minutes, Kate would try Castle's number, even though it continued to ring straight through to voicemail. Either he'd turned his phone off, or he'd found a way to screen her calls. Kate looked up from the display of her phone as Lanie walked back into the room, looking grim. All sets of eyes were on her as she clutched the manila folder tightly in her hand.

"Well," Lanie announced softly. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but… the fiber is a match. He's still using the same rope to strangle his victims."

"This is great," Kate bit out finally as another thought occurred to her. Jerry was a serial killer. And not only that, but he was a killer notorious for killing multiple victims in a very short time frame. "Just fucking great." She reached up to run her hand raggedly over her face. "I suppose that this means that we can expect two more bodies then." Kate let out a ragged breath.

"Yeah." Weiss replied calmly.

"Okay, so… We'll alert the rest of the NYPD and get his profile out to them," Sean Holmes spoke assertively. "Given his previous timeframes and the fact that he kills in multiples of three, he's probably already out hunting for his next victim. We need to get a jump on this now."

"Yeah," Kate replied. "I guess we just need to decide if we should release a statement to the media now, or wait. I know him. He's doing this for attention. And frankly, if we don't give him what he wants, he'll probably lash out and make his next killing more violent, or public, or both."

"I'll talk with our captain," Weiss conversed softly. "And see what he wants us to do. But I'm inclined to agree with you, detective. He's going to want credit for the kill, and I think that it might be wise to make a statement. Even if it is just his signature name."

"I'm glad to hear that you agree," Kate nodded, relieved to hear that they, the SVU detectives, were equally as capable of thinking logically when it came to these matters (not that she was that surprised) as they were. She kept having to remind herself that technically SVU was in charge of the case. It was hard of her to take a backseat. Usually, she was always the one running point. "Just keep us posted. For now, we'll start poking around at his old hideouts. Maybe he'll actually be arrogant enough to make contact with some of his old friends." Weiss and Holmes nodded. "Oh, and one more thing," Kate added. "I don't know if you saw it in the file, but Jerry tried to get rid of his girlfriend last time around, albeit rather unsuccessfully. I think he might go looking for her."

"We'll look into it," the younger detective returned gratefully. "Thanks for the heads up." Kate watched as the two detectives headed for the elevator. Holmes was already on the phone with his boss.

"Well, I have a feeling that this is going to be a long week," Ryan breathed, as he slumped down onto a chair in the hallway. Kate felt her chest squeeze painfully as she realized what this must be doing to him. She knew that he blamed himself for letting Jerry get away, and that as a consequence, he probably blamed himself for Sofia's death.

"Ryan," Kate spoke sympathetically. "I can't even imagine… This case… must be a hard one for you. Look, if you need to sit this one out, I'd completely understand."

"Are you serious?" Ryan's voice cracked as he looked up at Kate with a distinct look on his features that was a cross between anger and disdain. "Not that I mean any disrespect by this, but I am _not_ sitting this one out. Not even if you tell me to. I want to take him down myself."

"Ryan," Esposito tried softy, hoping to calm his partner down.

"No! Don't you even start!" Ryan nearly shouted.

"Bro," Esposito tried again.

"Don't you dare look at me like that…" Ryan threatened. "Kate could hear the sadness in his voice. "You don't know what it was like… You just don't. Castle? Castle does. And frankly, I think Castle would do anything to get his hands on him too after what he did… In fact, I'd bet my life on it."

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to assume you're right, since Castle won't ever pick up his damned phone!" Kate bit out bitterly. "I mean seriously! He doesn't even know he could be in danger," Kate breathed. "How… How on earth am I supposed to tell Castle?"

"Speaking of which," Esposito interjected, "Where is writer boy? I thought you said that he was just taking a few days off, but it's been three weeks!"

"Last I knew…he was off promoting his books again." Kate lied, not even trying to sound convincing. "I told him we'd call him if anything important came up. I just never guessed it would turn into something like this." Kate swallowed, pulling off her gloves, "Well, I guess I'd better go bear the news. He deserves to know the truth."

"Right. Good luck with that," Esposito, Ryan and Lanie called after her, all of them knowing that the truth was far from what Kate wanted them to believe. Something bad had happened between the detective and her partner. They'd all been crossing their fingers for weeks, hoping that Kate would come to her senses. It seemed like something had finally managed to punch its way through her typically impenetrable exterior.

Kate groaned as she knocked on Castle's door for the dozenth time and received no response. 'Serves me right for being a cold-hearted bitch,' she thought to herself. She could hear the sound of music inside, and so she could only expect that there was someone inside.

"Castle?!" Kate shouted loudly, as another minute past and she received no response. "This is really getting old. Are you seriously going to make me stand out here all night? Because I have time and I'll do it if I have to!" No response. "Castle! For goodness sakes, open the damn door before I kick it in! You know I'll do it!" Kate had just taken a step back, and was ready to kick it open, when the door was finally whipped open. In front of her stood a very irate looking Richard Castle. "Hi," Kate managed to choke out as she started wringing her hands. Castle glared at her, his eyes dark and cold. They were closer to an icy cobalt blue than to the warm depths that she remembered. He swallowed, and Kate watched his adam's apple bob up and down in his throat.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Castle hissed. "You're going to wake up half the damn building with your screaming."

"Well," Kate offered in a rebuttal, "I wouldn't have had to resort to yelling if you would have just opened your door when I knocked the first time." Kate swallowed nervously.

"What are you doing here, detective?" Castle asked finally, his eyes falling away from hers. He looked past her, through her without really seeing the sort of state she was truly in. He missed the shadows under her eyes, the tightness of her jaw. "I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to see you again."

"Castle…" Kate's voice sounded weak and slightly rougher than her usual voice. "Look, I think this has gone on long enough," she struggled to find the word, "We need to talk."

"You want to talk?" Castle scoffed. "Kate," he said coldly, "I'm not really sure what you're getting at, but I'm pretty sure the talking part is over."

"So that's it…" Kate said slowly, stuffing her hands into the pocket of her jeans. "Am I really supposed to believe that you're seriously okay with how things were left between us?"

"Did I even have a choice?" Castle asked bitterly. "I think you made it clear that you had no desire to talk to me, detective," Castle's voice sounded strained as he tried to keep her out emotionally. "I _tried_ talking to you. Frankly, that's all I've ever done. And all _you've_ ever done is push me away."

"Castle… Rick, look, I know I should have listened to you, but I was upset," Kate offered in a slight arguement, as if that would make everything she said to him before okay somehow.

"Oh, I think that was quite obvious," Rick choked out. "Kate, I appreciate the effort, but I don't really need you to spell it out for me. I get it."

"See?" Kate interjected, "That's where I disagree. Because you don't seem to understand what I'm trying to say."

"Look, detective," Castle was apparently back to referring to her only by title. Kate felt wounded all over again. "I'm way too tired for this… Don't you have some place better to be?"

"No," Kate answered honestly. "Castle… Please, I know you're angry. But I…I think we both said some things that we didn't mean."

"Really?" Castle asked in slight disbelief. "Is that what I'm supposed to believe? That you didn't mean anything you said?"

"Castle, please. I…I'm trying really hard to… to apologize…" Kate tried to ease his anger, feeling his animosity, but Castle would have nothing of it.

"Apologize?" Castle's voice did little to disguise his contempt. "Do you really think that what you said to me can be easily forgiven?" Castle was finally losing hold of his emotions. Up until now his anger had been controlled, but now the hurt, the sadness was taking over. "You _condemned_ me for something I wouldn't have even had to do if it weren't for the fact that you were so god damned stubborn," Castle ranted. "Kate, I _begged_ you… _I begged you_ to drop your mom's case when you still had the chance. And what did you do instead of listening to me? What did you do? Oh, that's right… You pushed me away! You threw me away like I meant nothing to you! See? I've noticed a pattern. Seems like I'm always the one whose getting thrown away…"

"I… What do you want me to say?" Kate managed to choke out. "Do you want me to say I'm sorry? That I should have listened to you? Look, I get it okay? I was wrong. I was so wrapped up in my own life and my own feelings that I neglected to listen to anyone else. I let my feelings drive me, and I paid the ultimate price for it." Kate 's throat burned as all of her feelings swelled up inside her at once. "Montgomery is dead because of me! He died because I couldn't do what he asked either… Rick, you have no idea how much I would give to go back and change it. I would give anything!" Kate forced herself to swallow, to breathe. She needed Castle to understand somehow, but it just wasn't working. "I would give anything to go back to that day in the car," Kate confessed. "I would give anything to have you back in my life."

"Kate," Castle shook his head. "I can't..." Castle felt his heart clench painfully. "You forget so easily. You told me you needed space and then neglected to call me for three months." Castle paused for effect. "Oh, I have one more question for you. Do you honestly not remember telling me that you wanted me out of your life?" Castle choked out.

"Castle," Kate breathed softly. "I'm sorry."

"What changed, Kate?" Castle asked slowly.

"I don't… I don't know," Kate admitted before crying out, her voice full of exasperation "Look, will you please just let it go?!"

"What's wrong, detective? Was the reality not what you expected?" A beat. "Oh wait. I get it. You were expecting me to come crawling back to you, right? And when that didn't happen you thought you might come over here and speed up the process."

"It's Kate," Kate corrected softly, sheepishly. "You always call me Kate… even when I… I don't want you to."

"Whatever," Castle sighed, "Just answer the question. Why even bother with me if I'm such a screw up? If I'm nothing to you?" Kate couldn't handle it any more. Her body started to shake as she desperately tried to hold back her tears. She loved him. She was so in love with him, and she'd ruined it. She'd made him believe he meant nothing to her, and now she knew that she was going to have a hell of a time convincing him otherwise.

"I mean… I was never anything to you, right?" Castle continued, throwing his hands up. Not ever really good enough to be your partner…"

"Stop it!" Kate shouted finally, her voice cracking harshly, as she reached up to wipe furiously at her tears. Castle stared back at her, an expression of pain on his own features.

"I… I can't," he said finally. "I can't do this anymore, Kate."

"Please," Kate said finally, trying to calm herself, "Don't give up on me now."

"Oh," Castle breathed, "So now it's my fault?"

"Castle…"

"How did you even get in here?" Castle cut in, the thought only just occurring to him.

"The doorman let me in," Kate replied, "I showed him my badge."

"Well, good for you," Castle choked out. "But you can't force your way in here... not without a warrant. Go home, Kate, and leave me the hell alone. I'm not interested in mending bridges." Castle tried to shut the door in her face, but she threw her arm out.

"Wait!" Kate begged. "Just wait a minute. Please?" She took a deep shaking breath. "I…I'm sorry, okay?" Tears started flowing again without restraint as she thought about the look of in his eyes. He was just as dead inside as she was. He needed her too. She knew it. "Just listen to me for one minute. I'm _begging_ you. If you have to, then look me in the eyes and tell me I'm lying… But, Castle, you _know_ I didn't mean it when I said those awful things to you… And I know… I _know_ that what I said to you might be pretty damn near unforgivable, but I just have to say… You _are_ my partner, Rick. Whether I wanted it initially or not, somehow over the last few years you've become my partner, my confident. I… I would trust you with my life. The fact is, you… you've saved my life in so many ways I can't even begin to describe just how much. You saved me from myself." Kate let out a deep breath. "This… This isn't easy for me, Rick." Castle watched her struggle for the right words. Apparently he wasn't the only one who had problems voicing his feelings. "I guess I was just so hurt that you kept something from me because I felt like in some way you had broken my trust."

"I know," Castle cut in. "I understand that feeling." Castle swallowed, taking a step forwards. "But I just want to say one thing. I… I watched you get shot, Kate. I watched it happen right in front of me. I held you in my arms as I watched the lights go out in your eyes." Castle's voice held conviction. "So please. Before you accuse me of violating your trust, just try to think of that for a moment. Try to put yourself in my place," Castle swallowed. "And then tell me what you would have done if you were in my position." Kate squeezed her eyes shut, and did just that. She imagined how she might feel if Castle had been in a similar situation. Wouldn't she have done everything in her power to protect him? She felt hope as she saw something flicker in his eyes. She was finally getting somewhere.

"He's Montgomery's friend, Kate. He reached out to _me_. Not _you. _Because _he knew_ that you would never be able to let it go," Castle tried to explain for the first time. "And I knew it too," Castle said with an emphatic tone. "You seem to be forgetting that I already tried the other approach once," he breathed. "I begged you to drop the case, and you threw it back in my face…" Castle paused, swallowing to remedy the cracks in his voice. "And so when he told me that you dropping it meant life or death, this time I decided to take you out of the equation. I made the choice for you," Castle admitted. "I wasn't willing to lose you again. Not again." Kate felt her eyes start to burn as she heard the sincerity in his voice. "I meant what I said before, Kate. I'm not sorry. If I had the chance to do it again, I would," Castle had to clear his throat as he was getting fairly emotional as well. "Look, I don't really care if you don't want to talk to me or see me anymore, but I'm not sorry and I'm not going to apologize for doing what I know in my heart was the right thing."

"You can't know what I would have done, Castle," Kate argued, though she knew it was futile. "And by doing what you did, you took me out of the equation completely. Instead, you put yourself in my place," Kate continued. "Rick, what if someone found out that you were still working the case? What if someone found out about you and decided that they needed to get rid of you too?!"

"Then at the very least it wouldn't be you," Castle answered just as passionately. "The fact is, you working the case simply wasn't an option anymore. They know too much about you, Kate. And whether you feel it or not they are watching you. Someone else had to take over. I knew that I couldn't afford to wait. Every day that goes by is another day that they spend covering their tracks."

"So you thought you'd be the hero and solve it on your own," Kate bit out, "And then what… that you and I would walk off into the sunset?"

"Is that why you think that I'm doing this?" Castle shot back angrily. "So that I can earn some special brownie points with you or something?" Castle's jaw clenched as he tried to filter his words, his own anger and frustration. "Kate, I'm doing this because I care about you, and I want to know who is behind it just as much as you do! I'm doing this because it's my fault we're even here in the first place. I have a responsibility to see this through. Somehow, I have to make it right, or I'm never going to be able to look at myself in the mirror again."

"If you really want to finish this, then let me help," Kate pressed, appealing to him in the only way she knew how. "Castle, please."

"No," Castle shook his head. Kate winced, feeling Castle's pain as she saw the look of pain evident on his features. "I think that you've already used up all your luck the last time," Castle breathed softly, "You were shot, Kate. And for all intents and purposes you should have died."

"But I didn't," Kate argued quickly.

"I know that!" Castle sighed with great exasperation. "But you might not be so lucky next time, Kate. You're only given so many second chances." He ran a hand over the back of his neck as he spoke his next words with raw, vulnerable emotion. "I _cannot_ lose you, Kate. Can you understand that? It _will_ kill me."

"Castle," Kate breathed sadly, inside she was feeling the same exact way.

"No!" Castle threw up his hand. "I'm not finished." He swallowed and Kate could only stare. "I… I still have nightmares about that morning. It may not mean anything to you. You… You might not remember it, but I do. I remember every minute detail, and I can't seem to forget them no matter how hard I try! Okay? They don't go away, Kate. And frankly? I expect they never will." He paused to take a deep, calming breath. "The fact is, that this whole thing… It's a hell of a lot bigger than you and me. And if you do care about me _at_ _all_ you will drop it." He held her gaze as he punctuated his last words. "If you really want a way to make it up to me, that's it. Please, Kate. I'm begging you to let this go."

"I can't," Kate replied with just as much frustration.

"Yes you can," Castle argued. "Do it for me, Kate. I'm begging you. Drop the case for me. Drop it because you have feelings for me too. And then maybe… maybe I can promise you the same thing. But…at this point? Something has to give. It can't always be me."

"This isn't…," Kate argued, crossing her arms over her chest, "This isn't about how I feel for you, Rick."

"Okay then," Rick sighed finally, a look of defeat in his eyes. "I give up." Kate watched his hand tighten on the edge of the doorframe. She swallowed as she watched him glance down at his watch. "Look, it's getting late," he spoke finally. "I really need to go. I'm supposed to meet someone."

"Castle," Kate said quickly, throwing out her arm again to keep him from retreating. "Please come back. We need you." She saw something flash in Castle's eyes, and quickly decided to amend her statement. "No… that's not entirely true. I guess what I meant to say is that _I need you_. Rick, I need you to come back. Please…"

Kate's hopes fell as he shook his head slowly back and forth, as if that weren't an option.

"I… I can't go back, Kate," Castle said finally, his voice sounding as equally defeated as she felt. "You were right, you know? I shouldn't have ever come back in the first place."

"What?" Kate was shocked. She never expected he would genuinely use her own words against her. She could tell he believed what he was saying. "Castle, when I said that, I didn't mean it."

"Whether you meant to say it or not, it's true," Castle offered in rebuttal. "I'm not a cop, Kate. I couldn't protect you. And now that I'm being honest with myself, I realize that I've never really been able to keep you safe. What you need, is _someone_ who can."

"No," Kate muttered in denial, unwilling to accept his words.

"Kate," Castle sighed dejectedly, "What is it you want from me? Just be honest. Because I'm not sure what to say anymore and I could really use some help here." Kate watched his shoulders grow tight. "What are we, Kate?"

"I… I don't know," Kate breathed. She saw a look a pain sweep over Castle's features. "All I know is that we're good together. We make a really good team, and I… I don't want to lose you."

"That's not good enough," Castle responded. "I need more than that from you, Kate." She could see his jaw tighten and the muscles in his arms twitch, as he warred inwardly with himself.

Kate stared back at him, biting her lip anxiously as she searched for the right words to say. She knew that the whole future of their relationship was reliant on what she said next. She needed to make sure that the words couldn't be misinterpreted, or she could lose him for good. She opened her mouth to speak, her throat and tongue growing dry as she struggled to speak.

"Castle," Kate pleaded, watching as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked away, clearly uncomfortable. "Rick," the very personal name seemed to resonate within him because he finally met her eyes. "Look, I'm sorry."

"No," Castle replied with a hint of sarcasm, "It's better that I know that now rather than later." He was forced to stop for a moment to swallow as his voice gave out on him. "You want to know what the sad thing is?" Castle asked finally. "I would have waited. I would have stood by your side for years, Kate, just waiting. Because I loved you and you made me as happy as I'd ever been." Castle couldn't stop another pained laugh from slipping out. "I guess it just never occurred to me that you _really_ weren't interested."

It's simple, Kate. All you have to do is let this go. If not for me, then do it for your dad, for Lanie, and for Esposito and Ryan." Castle swallowed. "I promise you. The envelope is in safe hands where no one can get to it. The stuff inside incriminates some very important people. They won't touch you so long as it is out there. The only condition was that you have to stay away from the case." Castle paused. "If it's not enough for you to know that, then I…I'll continue to work the case in private. The second I come up with anything, I promise you, you'll know."

"Did it ever occur to you that having knowledge of that envelope and its contents could put you in serious danger?" Kate asked shortly. "If what's inside is half as detrimental to all those involved as you say it is, then I'm pretty sure they would do anything to keep it from going public. I mean… They've already done that through killing everyone else involved in the case."

"Yeah," Castle swallowed, "Nice try. But I'm not going to scare that easily. You seem to be forgetting who you're dealing with. I have your back on this one…whether you want me to or not."

"Just tell me who it is that has the envelope," Kate pleaded, "Maybe if I talk to him I can convince him to go public with what's inside and we can finally get some answers…"

"Kate," Castle sighed sadly, "You don't seem to understand. We're talking about some very powerful people, here. Going public? It's not going to make this go away. This…as I said before is a whole lot bigger than you or I? It's…deadly. And well, I think you know that better than anyone."

"Fine," Kate threw up her hands. "Be that way."

"This is precisely why I didn't tell you about any of it," Castle replied. "You know… I admire you for your relentlessness, but sometimes it can make things so difficult."

"Funny you should say that," Kate shot back angrily, "Because I feel the exact same way."

Kate forced herself to take a deep breath. "You know," she said finally in a somewhat calm voice, before getting somewhat emotional. "Did you ever once think that maybe I can't afford to lose you either?"

"Kate," Castle sighed in exasperation, thoroughly exhausted by the conversation.

"No," Kate said finally, somewhat forcefully. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to write off my feelings, just because you're angry with me and don't want to hear it right now." Kate's eyes flashed. Castle took a step back as he saw the fire in her eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that I'm just as scared of losing you, as you are of losing me?" Kate felt her heart begin to pound as she opened up her heart to him. "I get it… I get why you're giving up on me. I do. And frankly, I… I can't even say I blame you after the sort of things I've done lately, but I'm not ready to let go. I meant it when I said that I spent a lot of time building up walls, and that it has kept me from having the sort of relationships that I might want. You have to know that it's been keeping us apart. You have to know that I was alluding to us when I said that. Look, I… I really want there to be an us, Rick. I do…more than you'll ever know. But you have to be here for that to happen. If you get yourself mixed up in all of this? If you truly plan on putting yourself in my place, then you might pay the same price I did." Tears spilled over Kate's cheeks at the thought of losing him. As she blinked, traitorous tears trailed down the side of her face and dripped from her chin. "I'm begging you not to make the same mistake. Please."

Castle stood frozen, his mouth open, and his eyes staring off into space. He was still for a long moment, and then slowly, his gaze flickered over to meet hers.

"It haunts me too, you know?" Kate decided to speak. "Every. Single. Day. I almost wish I didn't remember it at all… But then again, if I didn't remember all of the awful things, then I wouldn't have remember the good things either."

"Kate," Castle said slowly, his brows furrowing up near his hairline, "What are you talking about?"

"The shooting," Kate choked out after struggling with the words for a really long time. "I… I lied. W-When I s-said that I didn't remember any of it…"

"You remember it," Castle stated numbly, fire igniting in his veins at the realization. "You remember _all_ of it."

"Yes," Kate swallowed over the roughness in her throat.

"Then you know what I said to you," Castle said slowly. "You know exactly what I said to you." Kate nodded slowly. Watching Castle's entire body tense as he closed himself off to her. "And yet you still wanted space? You still didn't call me for three months?" Castle took a deep breath. She could see the pain in his expression.

"Castle…"

"Don't!" he hissed, looking as if he were on the verge of getting sick. "Don't you dare stand there and say you're sorry." His eyes flashed and she could see that he felt betrayed. "I told you I loved you! I laid my heart on the ground for you, and instead of addressing any of your feelings for me you decided to shut me out of your life for three months?"

Kate opened her mouth, but try as she might, she couldn't come up with an adequate reply.

"I wasn't ready," she said finally. "I loved you too, but I knew I wasn't in the right place to do anything about it. I…I thought it would be easier if I could just... take some time to process it all." She looked into his eyes. "At the time I only intended to take a few days, but then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Before I knew what had happened, I was going back to work and…"

"And what?" Castle choked out angrily.

"And Ryan and Esposito told me what you did," Kate continued, stumbling over words. "They told me how you'd been there every day, working on the case with them. How you'd come up with the idea about the bank records until Captain Gates kicked you out." Kate paused to take a deep breath. "Then I realized what a mistake I made… I realized how much I wanted you there… no… how much I _needed_ you there with me."

"No," Castle protested, the look on his face broke his heart as he corrected her. "You realized how much you _needed_ me for those files, isn't that right? You realized that you had to make nice with me so you continue with the case…"

"No," Kate struggled not to sob as she heard the contempt in his voice, the disgust.

"And I fell right back into that trap," he continued bitterly. "I came back to you like some loyal puppy."

"How can you even think that?" Kate asked incredulously. "God, Rick, is that really what you think of me? That I would _use_ you?"

"I don't know," Castle answered honestly, sounding as if he were just as emotional. "What should I think, Kate? Because I'm not even sure what to think anymore."

"Rick," Kate breathed, with a look of helplessness in her eyes. "You should know that I love you." She took a step forwards, wiping at her tears, and then repeated the words. "I love you. I love you and I'm sorry. That's what you should think…"

"You say that now, but how…how am I supposed to believe you?" Castle asked as he shook his head, seemingly in disbelief, "After everything you've done? Actions speak louder than words, Kate. And frankly? I've seen and heard all I need to know." Kate flinched as she saw him take a step back inside. She didn't know what made her do it, but she threw herself at him.

"If you're truly a man of action, then maybe this will speak for itself," Kate said as she pushed him up against the door and crashed her lips to his in a futile attempt to make him forget the awful things she'd done. And well, if that didn't work, then at the very least she had one last stolen moment with him.

Castle resisted the kiss with everything he had, but Kate fought and pushed and grappled with him in every way she knew how. Her fingers latched onto the back of his neck searing his mouth to hers. His eyes were closed, and he stopped breathing altogether as if that would be enough to stop it from happening. Finally, he pulled away, taking a gasping breath. Kate, however, knowing his intention to retreat followed. Her lips were back on his before he had the chance to steel himself against her again. This time his body acted on its own. All of the anger, frustration, and hurt were channeled into something much more powerful. Kate gasped in surprise as he spun her around and roughly pushed her up against the wall of the hallway, trapping her with a tight grip on her hips. His breathing grew shallow as he finally reciprocated. Kate's mouth opened in a gasp as Castle pressed up against her, the entire length of his body holding her to the wall. Just as suddenly, Castle's tongue invaded, demanding entrance. Kate welcomed it with an unrestrained moan. Her hands quickly latched onto Castle's shoulders for balance, and also for reassurance that he wasn't going to go anywhere. Castle couldn't stop a moan himself as Kate ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. Finally, after a long perusal of the warm caverns of her mouth, the moment she feared came. Castle extracted himself from her as they both gasped for air. His eyes held a mixture of bitterness and desire. Eventually, something within him won out and he tried to pull away, but Kate wouldn't let him.

"Wait! No. Please! Please don't do this," Kate pleaded. "Rick, I love you. I love you so much. I need you. I need you. I… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For all of it."

"You know I don't hate you," Castle replied sadly, "But I can't… I can't do this and pretend like it's all okay." He shook his head again and pulled away. "You should go home, Kate! It's getting late."

"I can't!" Kate burst out. "I...I can't go home, okay?"

"Yes you can," Castle said just as forcefully.

"NO!" Kate latched onto his arm. "You're not safe! You don't understand... You're not safe, and i can't leave you alone until I know that you're safe."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Castle asked, looking confused. "Is there something going on that I don't know about?

"Yes," Kate sighed, relieved that they had finally come to the reason she'd shown up at his apartment at the first place. "3xK. I mean Jerry Tyson. He's back. We had a murder this afternoon. It had his signature stamp all over it." Then. "He's back, Castle. He's back, and he could be coming after you."

"I appreciate the concern, Kate, but I can handle myself," Castle muttered. "Besides, he's already had his fun with me. I'm nothing to him."

"No," Kate shook her head. "He has reason to come after you. He has a score to settle. Don't you get it? You outed him, and foiled his plans. You made a new start all but impossible for him. He still has to be angry about that. We can't underestimate him again. Rick, Please. Let me help. It would kill me if anything happened to you."

"You don't get it, Kate," Castle shook his head. "You want to protect me. I get that. But all I need from you right now? Is some space," Castle replied.

"What would make it okay?" Kate said in a panicked voice. "What can I do to make it okay?"

Kate couldn't help, but feel crushed by the response. She knew she deserved it. Hell, she'd be lucky if Castle ever took her back. A sob broke out of the back of her throat, and other sobs started to overtake her body as she realized that he might not ever give her another chance. She'd successfully ruined the only good thing she had left in her life.

She couldn't bear to look into his eyes any longer. Eyes that once looked at her with love now seemed only to look at her in disappointment and disgust. Slowly she started to pull away, inch by inch. Her heart nearly stopped as one of his hands darted out and latched onto her.

"Wait," he pleaded softly. Instead of complying, she tried harder to pull away. She felt like she needed to get away. She needed to find somewhere she could curl up and cry. But Castle knew better. He held onto her with a steadfast grip. With a resigned sigh he pulled her shaking body into his and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. She reacted instinctively, burying her face against his neck and shoulder as she cried.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over again inbetween sobs. Castle's heart constricted painfully as he felt every word, every sob. He knew she meant it. He closed his eyes and calmed himself, silently deciding that there had been enough punishment thrown around lately. He was done arguing, and done fighting. There were so many things he regretted already, and he expected Kate felt the same way. If anything it was time to start forgiving one another. It was time to start the healing. Despite their worst transgressions they loved each other, and in the end, that is the only thing that should _really_ matter.

"I'm sorry too," he admitted finally, feeling awful for making her cry.

"Shh," he started to whisper over and over. "Shh… Calm down. It's okay. It's going to be okay." He kissed the top of her head, and continued to hold her tightly as her cries slowly waned into hiccups, and then nothing. Silence filled the air around them as he stood in the middle of the hallway, just holding her. Finally, he loosened his grip and Kate slowly started to pull away.

"Kate," he breathed softly, when she avoided looking at him. "Kate, hey, look at me." Carefully, he placed his finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to meet his. His heart broke a little as he saw the tear tracks on her face, and the red puffy eyes that stared back at him. With a sad sigh, he reached up and carefully wiped a stray tear away, running his forefinger over her cheek in a gentle gesture. Slowly, he brushed his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I shouldn't be punishing you like that. I… I know you're sorry." He took a deep breath. "I just wish you understood how difficult this is for me. You...You hurt me, Kate. You ripped my heart into shreds over and over and over again. I...I don't know how long it's going to take for me to forgive you for that...or if I'm ever really going to be able to move past it. But...I'm gonna try. I promise I'll try.

"Do you think you can forgive me?" Kate said quietly, her breath warm against his face.

"Like I said," he replied as if the idea that he might hold a grudge was ridiculous. "I'll try. Can you forgive me for acting like a jerk?"

"Castle," Kate sighed, "I deserved it."

"No you didn't," he shook his head. "Kate…"

"I forgive you, Rick," she interrupted softly.

"Okay," Rick nodded, still holding her close. A long moment of silence passed between the two. "So what do we do now?"

"I don't know," Kate admitted finally. "I'm not really good with relationships, remember?"

"Well," Castle admitted, "I'm not really sure what to do either. I usually don't make it past the part where they storm out and don't come back…"

"Hmm," Kate hummed softly. "Well, I think that maybe this is the part where we kiss and make up?"

"Oh," Castle's eyes started to twinkle with amusement. "Is it really?"

"I think so," Kate swallowed her own laughter.

"Okay," Castle's lips twitched upwards in a smile, brushing his nose against her. "Well, I really like the sound of that."

"Good," Kate said softly, "Because I'd really like to kiss you now." Kate closed her eyes as Castle's warm breath ghosted over her cheek and he nuzzled her neck. Slowly he pulled back to look at her and she opened her eyes to see his sapphire baby blues staring back at her. They stayed frozen like that for a long moment, not wanting to break the connection they were sharing. Kate's breathing hitched as Castle's thumb brushed back and forth on her cheek, causing it to tingle with the sudden flush that it brought to her face. Time seemed to stop altogether as he slowly, painstakingly, leaned in. She leaned forwards herself, not willing to wait any longer. She wanted him more than ever. When their lips touched, the contact so soft and tender, she couldn't help but want more. Her eyelids fluttered close as it deepened, and suddenly she couldn't seem to breathe. Her heart was pounding, and her mind racing. More. She needed more. Without thinking much about it, she started to push herself closer to Castle's body. He adjusted grabbing her hips to hold her somewhat still as he continued to drive her mad with his kisses. She pushed harder against Castle's hands as she struggled to quell the need in her body.

"Easy," Castle chuckled softly as he pulled back for a breath, "We have all the time in the world, detective," he chastised, "There will be plenty of time for that later. Right now? I just want to take it slow."

"You're killing me," Kate spoke breathlessly. "Rick, please."

"And I thought that _I_ was the impatient one," he teased with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kate closed her eye and groaned. Her body honestly felt like it was catching fire. She plunged back into the kiss, this time, biting down on his lip aggressively. He seemed to get the hint because he opened his mouth and the kiss instantly grew in ferocity. Kate's tongue slipped into his mouth. He could feel her stroke the roof of his mouth and moaned into the kiss as her hands ran over the taught muscles in his stomach, causing them to twitch almost painfully.

"Come on," he muttered inbetween kisses. "Let's take this inside before I start ripping off your clothes."


End file.
